Fisher, IL? Um…I Can’t Help You.

So, today at 9:23AM I was awakened from a wonderful sleep by Michael Jackson singing “I Can’t Help It” very loudly in my ear. Now, one of my desires since I was little…I mean…since I was younger, considering that I am little…was to have MJ serenading me with that very song (my favorite of his). HOWEVER, I did not anticipate the tinny warbling that I experienced today.

And then I remembered that MJ is moonwalking in heaven, and that it was my ringtone that ripped me from my luxurious slumber.

Well, sheeyit.

By the way, I know you’re all jealous that I can sleep in past 8AM, but trust me; it’s overrated. The novelty of this unemployment shit has worn off, and I am BORED. 😦

Anyway, I look at the caller ID, and it is a staffing agency calling me. I’m like, “Oh, GOODY! Maybe I’ll have a job today!” So, I answer, and immediately upon hearing the recruiter’s voice, I know that this will not end well. It was extremely difficult to understand what the recruiter, whom I will assume is Indian, was saying, and he was kind of yelling at me because I kept asking him to repeat himself due to my inability to understand him. And I could have sworn that the guy who was talking to me said to one of his coworkers in in the background that I “hear with an accent,” which really wouldn’t be applicable, given that I was actually hearing one.

So the semi-rude recruiter tells me about an administrative assistant gig, that he sent me the job description via e-mail, and that he wanted me to retrieve it so he could go through it with me. After I finally coax my three-year-old laptop (which is, like, a billion in computer years) to wake up, I open my e-mail and review the job description:

  • Standard administrative assistant duties.

Okay. The nearly 9 years I spent working in an office environment at a university gives me more than enough experience with that, and maybe this will give me a great transition into HR and complement the Master’s degree I’m about to earn.

  • Shift is from 6:30AM-3:00PM.

O…kay. That’s a bit early, but I’m used to waking up at the asscrack of dawn to get to work, as my old shift was 7AM-4PM.

  • Location…Fisher, IL.

Um…WHERE???

I have lived in Illinois all my life, and I have never heard of a city/town called “Fisher” in IL. So, I ask the recruiter how far Fisher is from Chicago. Yes, I could have Googled it, but I figured that since he cold-called me (as I have never registered with his staffing agency, which means he may have gotten my resume from Monster or CareerBuilder), he could see whether I was anywhere near Fisher, IL. His answer: 129 miles.

ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-NINE GOT-DAMN MILES!!!

I then advise the recruiter that I must respectfully decline the offer, as there is no way in hell that I am going to commute 129 miles each day from my cozy little one bedroom apartment in Rogers Park to a village with, ostensibly, no people who look like me. Plus, I do not drive. How in the hell would I get there? :\

All I can say/do about that whole interaction is…

anm_FACEPALN

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5 responses to “Fisher, IL? Um…I Can’t Help You.

    • According to Google Maps, Fisher is situated downstate – somewhere between Bloomington and Champaign. If you’re asking what company it was, I have no freaking clue. I guess the “big reveal” would’ve been made if I had accepted the opportunity. 😀

      Like

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